Tonight and the Rest of My Life
by Casandra
Summary: Finished! 6 months after the series finale, Willow has to make another life altering decision, ala 'Choices'
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Author: Casandra

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Email: rozwellrulz@aol.com Since my Fanforum account isn't working at the moment.

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Disclaimer: Well even though the show isn't still in its first run, syndication will probably go on for eons, so I guess all this is still necessary. I of course don't own them, because if I did, things would have been a lot more on the slashy side of things. Alas, Mutant Enemy, Fox and Joss don't seem to think the way I do. Oh well.

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Rating: PG-13 for now, just for the slash content. Minor swearing might be in here too, so be forewarned. I've been considering giving something a bit more naughty a try again, and if I do I'll give sufficient warning.

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Warning: If the thought of woman in love and having a relationship bothers you, you better tear your eyes away quickly, because that's all you'll find in my fanfics.

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Distribution: You can find my work at Realm of The Shadow (www.realmoftheshadow.com), Near Her Always (www.nearheralways.com) and I Kind of Love You as well. Anybody else, you're welcome to it, just please let me know where it's going.

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Feedback: I, like every other author, adores it. So if you like my work, please drop me a line and let me know. It'd be much appreciated.

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Spoilers: I have this tendency to reference just about anything. So if you haven't seen all 7 seasons and all 144 episodes, you might use caution in reading this. Not saying I WILL reference something, but I just might, so be aware.

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Pairing: Buffy/Willow. But also probably a smidge of Willow/Kennedy too. Actually, I might have some Dawn/Faith in here as well, maybe as a backdrop couple. Who knows, I think I'm just making it up as I go along.. I'm such a UC ship ho! Might as well go for the gusto LOL

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Summary: Post series finale. At least 6 months down the road, where the remaining Scooby gang is, where they're headed, are they together? Willow has to make another life changing decision, very reminiscent of her decision to stay in SunnyD back in 'Choices'.

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Author's Note: Ok, I haven't written anything significant since Summer Confessions, and that one I started during the Summer of 2002. It's now June 2003 as I start this. So I am probably very rusty when it comes to fiction. All I've been writing is term papers for the last nine months. But I'm going to try my best here and see what I can come up with. It's also going to be mostly in Buffy's POV. I might switch over to Willow at some point, not sure yet. We'll see what happens I guess.

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It's ironic.

I've spent my entire adult life resenting the destiny that was thrust into my lap, always feeling obligated to it, trapped by it, scared of it. And now that I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders alone anymore, I feel incomplete somehow. I suppose I had just gotten so used to the fact that I alone was the person responsible for saving the world time and again, that now that the responsibility has been lifted from me, I almost miss it. That goes to show you just how messed up in the head I've become over the last seven or so years. The problem I'm having is, if I'm not THE Slayer anymore, who am I? I've defined myself solely on my mystical superstrength for as long as I can remember now. And even though yes, I do still have the same skills and abilities I've had since becoming a Slayer, I'm no longer the only one. I had enough trouble accepting Kendra, and later on Faith, being around. But I could chalk them both up to a small glitch in the Slayer system. After all, if I hadn't gone down to fight the Master, it never would have happened. But even after I had been dead set against never staking another vampire again, one look at Willow's tearstained face and I knew I couldn't fight my destiny. Because if I did I wouldn't be able to protect anybody from the harsh evils of the world. And more importantly, I would have been letting Willow fend for herself in that kind of violent atmosphere. There was just no way I was about to let that happen if I had it in my power to do something about it. Death be damned. If that's what happened, so be it. If I could take the Master out in the process, thus keeping everyone safe, most importantly Willow, than that was a chance I was willing to take. 

But I digress. 

So now I'm not _THE_ Slayer anymore, I'm just _A_ Slayer. Which technically I suppose is really the same thing. And I guess it might just be my over-inflated ego of seven years talking, but it really is bothering me. I would have thought I'd be hanging from the rafters in celebration if I ever got the chance to have a 'normal' life. But now, I'm starting to wonder, what's so great about normal anyway? The only normal friend I have anymore is Xander, and look what being normal got him. Or maybe it's more the fact that he's my friend that got him the pirate look permanently. 

  
And the worst thing about ALL of this? I'm not Willow's Slayer anymore. Nope, the spell I insisted she do, the one that was my idea, took her away from me. If I'm really honest with myself, I had left Willow's side long before the spell, from my own free choice. At first I was angry at her, so incredibly angry, for ripping me away from eternal peace. I just couldn't get past the anger and hurt that the one person I relied on to always do the right thing screwed up. Yep, me, the queen of accidental mistakes condemned my very best friend because she did it. Once. 

How much of a bitch am I? 

She stood by me through everything, and she happens to make a mistake one time, and I drop her as quick as I possibly can. Of course we never once talked about the fact that we were best friends in name only for the past two years now. Me? Talk about a personal problem? 

Get real.

And it was that much worse because I didn't even bother to allow myself to worry about what my solitude was doing to her. I had Spike to keep me busy, what did I care? Willow had Xander, and even if they weren't together anymore, she still had Tara's love. She didn't need or want mine I assumed. Well you know what they say about assuming something. It makes an ass out of both 'u' and 'me'. Yeah, lame joke I know, I have no idea who came up with that one to begin with. But surprisingly it fits perfectly for what happened the last two years. Maybe if I would have been paying even a small amount of attention to her, things wouldn't have ended up the way they have. 

Tara might still be alive. Willow more than likely wouldn't have had to hit absolutely rock bottom before becoming the goddess of pure benevolent magic that I always envisioned her to be. And then again, maybe I'm giving myself too much credit. She might have had to go through all those things she did, without me, to make her the incredible person she's become now. Not that she wasn't always incredible, I knew there was something magical about her from the very first time I laid eyes on my adorable witch. Of course she wasn't a witch then, oh no, she started practicing the dark arts for the sole purpose of helping me in my fight against the hellmouth. 

So again, it all comes back to her association with me. 

But now she's not even MY witch anymore, the same way I'm not HER Slayer either. Because now there's Kennedy. She's taken my place in Willow's life. ALL my places actually. She's her own personal Slayer/Best Friend/Girlfriend in one nice nifty package. Of course I've always only filled two of those three slots. But I've always wondered, and maybe even hoped, that we could go three for three someday. I may not have outwardly showed it the last few years, but it's always been in the back of my mind. Even when I was with my significant others. Even when I was ignoring her. It's always been there. And yeah, I'll even admit that Kennedy is cute. But that tongue ring comment, grr, I could have spit nails. But of course, mind on the mission, I had to focus, like always. Jealousy does not play a good part when it comes to averting yet another apocolypse. 

I've always been a tad bit jealous when Willow was in a relationship. But never more so than now. Maybe it's because I don't like Kennedy, or maybe I feel even more threatened because I'm free and clear to make my move and once again, someone is in my way. The again, it could be the fact that Kennedy is a Slayer as well, so I know that it's not a put-off to Will when it comes to being romantically involved with someone. Of course it's more than likely the fact that I haven't seen Willow so outwardly affectionate with anybody like she is with Kennedy. They're constantly cuddling, or smooching to their heart's content. 

In front of all of us. In front of me.

I'm really shocked at the self control I've shown. I haven't physically removed Kennedy's lips from Willow's yet, so that's a good sign I hope.

For the last five months or so all of us surviving Scooby members, with a few extra new club members added on, have been holed up inside what used to be an abandoned warehouse right outside of Cleveland. Somehow, and honestly I don't think I want to really know, Giles got the lease free and clear. Within three days of arriving here he had the place cleaned out. And in another week or so it was habitable, and very habitable at that. There's about 8 or 10 of us here on any given day, and it doesn't get crowded at all. We all have our own living areas, nicely decorated for the most part. And 8 bathrooms to split between us all. Certainly not a bad setup in the least bit considering the sharing that we all had to do back at my house during the height of the potentials' invasion. I still can't believe an old run down warehouse could be spiffed up to be so nice in such a short period of time. Not that I'm complaining at all, really. It's just I do worry sometimes HOW we ended up with such nice digs. Giles year long siesta in England must have either been very profitable, or he managed to snag back most of his connections that he had before he met me. And with the Watcher's Council for the most part non-existant, I wonder who's paying the bills now. Did they have a secret stash hidden somewhere that wasn't blown up by preacher boy?

In any case, no matter who is paying the bill for our swanky new living area, its nice to not have to be the sole supporter. Although most of the gang wasn't in favor of mooching off of whoever is our secret benefactor. 

Almost as soon as we set up Slayer central here, Xander went out job hunting. Apparently Cleveland is having a big real estate boom at the moment and is in dire need of construction workers. I think it helps him grieve for Anya by having a nine to five job again. I've never seen Xander as quiet as he was on the trip cross country. I know he still loved Anya intensely. And I have to wonder if it made it worse or better them never marrying last year. He refuses to talk about her, mourning in his own private way. And me being the queen of solitude, I can understand that. I miss her too actually. We might not have always gotten along, and I did try and kill demon Anya, but I did consider her a friend, her human self at least. And she died fighting a battle meant for me alone. And considering I have a guilt complex a mile long, besides feeling sad for the loss of my friend, I have guilt for it too. But she made her choice to fight, and in the long run, I think she knew she was doing the right thing, fighting the right battles, on the right side.

Surprisingly, Faith is still hanging around here with us. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. I'm over my anger at her for everything she's done in the last few years. I can see the changes in her. She's not the same hotheaded kid that we all met in Sunnydale 4 years ago. She's more grounded, more focused. And she cares about more than herself. It's a rather shocking change to believe, but I see it, and I believe it. We're still not friends, we tolerate each other, we work together, but we're not to the point yet where we can really call ourselves buddies. But I think eventually we'll get there. I'm happy for her, she seems more at peace with herself than she was. She takes an active role in everything that we do around here. She even got herself a job as a bouncer at one of the local nightclubs. Can't say that line of work surprises me, even if it is at a gay nightclub. Faith never did 'out' herself, but it's safe to say that Willow is not the only sometimes Sapphic member of the gang. Not that it bothers me of course, considering I'm having tendencies towards the ancient Greek poet side of things lately. Or maybe not so lately as the case really is. I know the Xena reruns aren't helping to take my mind off of it. But I swear, if Faith brings Dawn home one more time from those under 21 parties they have at the club, I'm going to seriously reconsider the friends idea. 

Of course blaming Faith for being responsible and actually watching out for Dawn is kind of ridiculous, even I admit that. But it's one of my issues, because I'm beginning to think that all of us girls are giving the lesbian life a try. I don't doubt that Dawn goes to see Faith at work. They've become very tight lately. And as much as it would have bothered me before, Faith DOES look out for her like no one else. And that's saying quite a bit considering what all of us have gone through to look out for Dawn in the last few years. My problem is if Faith *isn't* the reason Dawnie is going to that particular club. I really don't mind if she is indeed inclined that way, hell, if she's made from my blood, it actually makes quite a bit of sense. But I don't want her thinking she can't talk to me about it. I guess that's another thing I have to schedule in, a heart to heart with my little sister about her sexual preference. That should be fun.

I wouldn't dream of asking Giles to sit in on that one. And even if I wanted to, I couldn't. About a month after getting us all settled in here he took off back to England. I think he's in Bath this time, wherever that is. He didn't really go into a lot of detail about why, but I figure it has something to do with corralling all the other new Slayers that'll be popping up in the next few months. Willow gets emails from him on occasion. Which is rather shocking, I didn't know Giles went hi-tech, let alone knew how to go about sending email. Hell, it took Willow how many hours to teach me how to instant message and email people using her laptop. And I'm not nearly as technophobic as Giles. Of course he's changed quite a bit in the last few years since he's been back on his native soil. Always surprising me with the things he says and does when he's around. I'm still not sure whether I like that or not. But I do find myself missing the old Giles, the stuffy librarian Giles that we all loved to tease about his affinity for tweed everything. 

For example, Robin going to England with Giles. That I didn't see coming at all. Going from mild mannered high school principal to Slayer command. Sure, he has it in his blood, but I thought for sure he'd return to his educational ways. I guess he liked the demon hunting business. It's good that Giles has a partner over there though, makes me worry less about him being all by himself. Of course it gives my overactive imagination way too many visuals that I could really do without. Ewww isn't a strong enough term in the least bit!

Hmm, Willow should have been home by now. She said that she was only going to be about an hour at the Best Buy up the street, and it's already going on two. Will's been all cybery again since we got settled. She's been constructing databases using her cyber and wiccan skills to help the Slayers decide where they want to go based on the most demony activity she can sense.. All but three of them have headed off on their own, making a new life for themselves with their new powers. Of course Kennedy is still here. Willow's still here, which means there'll be no getting rid of Kennedy either. She's a good Slayer, she patrols every night, and has a part time job at one of the karate centers downtown. But she's constantly around whenever Willow is, so I never get any time alone with my best friend.. It's ironic that now that I want to be with Willow, someone else is constantly in the way. Figures that's just my luck. That's the reason I wish Will would hurry her butt up. I have the day off from my classes at the police academy and I know Kennedy is going out with Vi and Rona tonight. So I figured I could have Willow all to myself. I know I won't make a move on her, because even though Kennedy and I aren't the best of friends by any means, I still respect the fact that Willow IS her girlfriend. 

Willow and I have been much better in the last few months. And for that I'm eternally grateful. In fact it was her idea that I join the Cleveland police department. Honestly, I never would have thought about it. But with my strength, speed and agility, not to mention my recuperative powers, it makes perfect sense. And as much as I was enjoying the guidance counselor gig, there's no way in hell I was going to be able to get another job like that without a college degree of some kind. And that was definitely lacking with the turmoil of the last couple of years. So when Willow suggested that I attempt to be a police officer, I admitted to her, and to myself, that it seemed to be the perfect line of work. Of course there was the pesky problem of my prior warrants for murder back during the summer of 1998, but Willow was all up for taking care of that minor detail. It turns out she didn't have to. When Sunnydale went kaboom, all their records went with it. All local registries were wiped out, including my criminal record. Which is fine by me, once less problem to worry about coming back and biting me in the ass sometime in the future. So for the last month I've been studying at the academy to become a specialist in combative situations. That's what Willow calls it at least. Personally I think the captain of the academy just thinks he can eventually break me by giving me the most physically demanding challenges he can think of. But I haven't failed one yet, so that must mean something. I just wonder where the force is going to put me if and when I graduate. 

"Hey Buff, you still around?" How is it that I didn't even hear her come in? The doors to this place are anything but quiet.

"In here Will!" I call out to her from my reclining position on my bed. Deep thoughts require nice cozy bed goodness. Otherwise it gives me a headache.

"Tell me you didn't go back to sleep after I left." Willow plops herself down on the foot of my bed and reclines herself lengthwise across the bottom, the hand she's not using to prop her head up on absently playing with the laces of my tennis shoes.

"Nope, just thinking. You know me, gotta be comfy lest the smoke start coming out of my ears." I casually picked up one of the smaller pillows on my bed and toss it at her head. I'm careful not to throw it too hard though. Ever since that night a short time after I moved to Sunnydale. Willow was over at my house trying to get me caught up on a few history assignments, so we were both sprawled out on my bed. I was too busy *not* paying any attention to what George Washington apparently did with his troops in Concord during the Revolution. Before I knew what was happening I was eating feathers from the pillow Will had tossed at me. I wasn't going to let her have the last word, or in that case, the only one, so I grabbed the offending pillow and launched it back at her.

I forgot about Slayer strength and all that. Because the next thing I remember, Willow is sprawled flat on her back on the floor, my toss knocking her clear off the bed. She had the most dazed expression and I was sure that I had given her a concussion or something equally traumatic. I was scared to death. Here I had just made a really good friend, not to mention she was cute as all get out. And I had to go and ruin it because of stupid Slayer powers. Midway through my spazzout I realized that she was laughing. Full throated giggles. And I knew that everything was going to be ok. But ever since then I'm very careful when we get into a pillow fight.

"So what took you so long? I thought you just had to grab some kind of thingie for your laptop. You weren't flirting with that cell phone tech again were you?" She blushes and I realize that she probably thinks I'll never let that one go. She's probably right.

It was a one time thing. Kennedy was on patrol and Willow needed to go and get an adapter for her printer. Me being the over protective best friend that I have been lately, insisted that she didn't walk alone to the store. Long story short, the girl behind the cell phone counter started hitting on Willow while I was looking at cover plates for my Nokia. Will, still sometimes a shy insecure woman, casually flirted back, but nothing compared to how blatant the sales girl was being. I of course was practically foaming at the mouth watching the girl's display. So as soon as I found an opening I linked my arm through Willow's and drug her off to her adapters, leaving a very petulant looking Best Buy employee behind. 

"Actually I was with Kennedy." She looks a tad bit guilty for some reason as she looks down and starts playing with an imaginary piece of fuzz on my bedspread. I thought Kennedy was going out with the other girls tonight?

"Oh, I thought she had other plans?" Yep, that sounds good Buff, just inquisitive, not jealous in the least bit. Not like you were anxiously waiting for Willow to get home so you could take her out to that bar of Faith's and maybe, just maybe, get her to dance her ass off with you.

"She did, well she does, I mean she just grabbed me before she headed out with Rona and Vi. Of course not that kind of grab you know, because we were in a public store and all, but I mean, we just talked. And that's why I was late." Oh that can't be good. I haven't heard her babble like that in a long time. And her babbles generally only kick in when she's nervous or guilty about something. Either one usually is not that pleasant a reason. So something has to be up.

"Is everything ok? I mean it wasn't anything demony was it?" Right, because that would be a hell of a lot easier to deal with than something relationshippy.

"No, not really. Nothing you need to worry about Buff." She plasters on one of her fake smiles, the kind that tell me something is certainly not right in Willow world. But it's also a sign that she's not ready to talk about it just yet. So I'll let it go. For now at least. 

Might as well try and cheer her up. And if we happen to end up having naughty friction as a result of her frown upside downing, so be it! "Ok, well if you're sure?"

"I'm positive"

"Well then, since Kennedy is out with the other girls, I thought maybe you and I could do something? It seems like forever since it's just been the two of us hanging out." And it really has been. I miss Bronzing with Willow and Xander. Of course that was never the two of us, but still, we were together. The three musketeers. It hasn't been like that for a long while now.

  
A brilliant smile, this time completely genuine, lights up her face. It makes me feel like melting into a puddle of Slayer goo right on the spot. "That sounds great Buffy! And I know what you mean, it's been way too long since it was just you and me." She sighs a bit and the smile falters just a tad. And I wonder if she missed it just as much as I have. "So what did you have in mind?"

I'm trying so hard to hold the mischievous expression from crossing my face. What do I have in mind? I can only begin to imagine the possibilities of going to Club Olympus and dancing the night away with my favorite red headed goddess. But I wonder if she'll go for it. "Well it's a surprise, but I think it's a place you'll like." Yep, Will is a big fan of Faith's place of employment. For obvious reasons. "So, grab your jacket and lets motor." It's actually not that far from our place, a few blocks maybe, but hey, I'm trying to make this as date-ish as possible, so we can't be walking when there is a car at my disposal. Another perk Giles refused to disclose about. But again, not complaining. A nice shiny purple Mustang is not something I'm going to argue with Giles about. If he wants to give his Slayer expensive fast presents, well then that's his perogative.

"Come on Buffy, don't be a hold out, just tell me!" Oh there is nothing in this world that can crumble my willpower like a Willow Pout. She looks downright adorable. And that's putting it mildly. I always cave. Always.

"Willow, don't be like that. You know I can never resist it when you turn up the Willow charm." Ok why did I say that!? The Willow Charm? I mean sure she has it. In spades. Spades upon spades. But she so does NOT need to know what effect said spades of charm has on this Slayer. No siree.

"Ok fine, but let it be stated that I do this under major grumble grumbles. You know how I hate surprises." She grabs her leather jacket off the coat rack at the front door, mumbling all the while about Slayer's and their secrets. It's not so much that she hates surprises, it's that she has zero patience when it comes to things like this. I swear she's still that 16 year old kid that thought Slayer T-Shirts would be cool. But it makes me love her all the more. Knowing that she's still essentially the same person deep down that I met all those years ago. Even after all the hell she has gone through because she chose to fight alongside me. If there is a God out there, I give my thanks a thousand times over for that.

As soon as we start heading for my car, instead of the opposite way down the alley that leads to the main street, Willow grabs my arm and snaps me around to face her. The expression on her face is priceless. 

"Buffy, I am NOT getting in that car with you! Never again!"

Now, it wasn't all that bad. So I decided to see just how fast my new little sports car could go. And just how well she cornered. How was I supposed to know that it was trash day on the west side of the city. Besides, I mean that trash collection guy really shouldn't have been hanging off the side of the truck like that. The near miss _TWO_ months ago is still apparently fresh in my best friend's mind though. She looks terrified! I try to reason with her though, because really, driving with me is not all THAT bad. "Will, you want to get where we're going don't you? I don't think you want to spend our girls night out in a yucky alley do you?" Logic, that is always the way to go with a brain like Willow's.

"And just why can't we walk? It's not that far is it?" Ok, well apparently I didn't look at _all _the logical points. So now, big question. Do I lie and say, yes it is too far. Or do I concede where we're going, ruin the surprise, and have her talk me into walking there, thus blowing the entire date like principle of driving in the first place. Gah! I'm having way too many complex thoughts. I'm getting a headache and that is not in the plans for tonight. There can be no bumping and grinding with Willow if I'm popping Advil's at the bar all night long.

I wonder if guilt tripping her and using the utter truth disguised as a ploy to get my way will work? Doesn't hurt to try at this point. I take both her hands in my own, for a moment enraptured with how soft they feel against my own callused palms. I had almost forgotten what is was like to hold hands with Willow. I don't think we've done this since that day I helped her meditate and heal her stomach. God, that was a year ago! I shake myself out of my reverie and look up earnestly into her confused emerald gaze. "Will, do you honestly think I would do anything to put your life at risk? Do anything that would hurt you?" And seriously, that's the last thing in the world I would dream of doing. She's far too important to me. We've survived 7 years on top of a portal to hell. There is no way I'm losing her to a stupid car accident, and especially not one of my own doing.

I see her contemplating my statement, her eyes softening and a small smile touches her lips. She squeezes our joined hands tighter and starts pulling me towards my car. I guess that's my answer. She does know.

"You just better hope that I like this surprise of yours Buff." She teases me as I close the car door behind her, quickly moving around to the drivers side and slipping into the soft leather seat. 

"Oh you'll like, I'm sure of it." It's just what I have planned for her that I'm not positive she'll be receptive to.


	2. 2

I pull up in front of the valet service at Club Olympus, Faith really did find a top notch club to work for, I gotta admit that. I gesture for Willow to get out and I can't help but smile at the confused expression crossing her face. "Um Buff, did you need to talk to Faith or something?" She stays buckled in until I get out of the drivers side, hand the valet man my keys, a five dollar bill, and swiftly move over to the passenger door to coax her out.

"Willow, this is where we're going. I figured since we can't go Bronzing anymore, this was the next best thing." I manage to get her unbuckled, standing and heading into the club, waving to Brian the doorman as he lets us pass. He's a great guy. Big old teddy bear really. Unless you piss him off. Watch out then. Of course Willow doesn't know I come here every once in a while. Nope, because then she'd know I'm toeing the straight line far off into lesbian land. I guess I wouldn't really be toeing the line now that I think about it. But in any case, she comes here with Kennedy, and I come here only when I know I won't see her and Kennedy getting it down on the dance floor. Not something I'd be able to stand, even with a couple of stiff drinks from the bar. She hasn't said a word to me yet, just let herself be pulled along until we find my favorite table. It's in the back of the club, but it has a panoramic view of the entire place. Plus it's up on the second floor. Nice and private to boot. "So, whatcha want to drink?" Maybe some alcohol will bring her out of her daze.

"Buffy, this is a gay bar. This is Faith's gay bar!" She whispers it to me, almost conspiratorially, it's rather amusing really.

"Yeah Will, I'm pretty aware of that. So what? Don't you like you're surprise? I thought you liked it here?" Gotta add in the Slayer style pout or it will never work.

"No Buffy, I love this place, really, it's just well, I mean......." She trails off and I know exactly what she's thinking. "Buffy, you're not gay, so why did we come to a gay nightclub?"

"You're gay, so we fit in just fine. Ok, now what do you want to drink?" Lets get her off the non-gayness of me for just one moment, thank you. I'm still standing as I look down at her upturned face, the lights from the dance floor reflecting off her bright emerald eyes. It's entrancing to say the least, and I almost miss her drink request.

"Alright, if your sure you're comfortable with this" I roll my eyes a bit at that, assuring her that I'm not being put out in the least bit. "I guess I'll have an Orgasm." Um, huh? I mean, WHAT?!

"A whatgasm?" I mean my gosh, here I thought I was playing it completely subtle, when she comes out with THAT! Something's up though, because she's almost falling out of her chair laughing.

"Oh my god Buffy, that was priceless!" What? What did I do? I'm not the one who said orgasm!

"What?"

"Buffy, an Orgasm is a mixed drink. Actually, it's a shot, vodka, amaretto and cream, I think. Hence the name Orgasm."

"Oh." I knew that. Really.

"I was just kidding though, they're not that great, too strong for me. I think I'll just have a Blowjob instead." If I could physically swallow my tongue I think I would have done just that. When did Willow get so bold? Again she's laughing at my predicament, or at least the incredibly red shade my face must have taken on. Apparently you can see it, even in this dim lighting. "Ok fine Buffy, you're no fun, how bout just a boring ole Witch of Salem, that sounds appropriate, don't you think?" I can't help but smile a bit at her unending cuteness, even when she's teasing me. And of course wondering if there really are mixed drinks by those names. And just how Willow became so aware of the various forms of consuming alcohol. I might just have to talk to Kennedy about that. Or beat her to a pulp for turning my best friend into a cocktail connoisseur.

"Ok, haha, laugh at stone cold sober girl. But don't we remember the last time I had anything significant to drink? Or spent any time at a bar? Cave Buffy ringing any bells here Will?" Yes, Cave Buffy was sure not the most pleasant experience. I'm so glad that I had enough of my subconscious not exactly subbed to rescue Willow from that fire at the Grotto. I can't imagine what would have happened if I had been any more out of it than I already was. 

"Ok, spoil my fun. Just get me a Hurricane."

"That I can do." Because surprisingly, that is something I've heard of. I go to head back down the stairs to the bar, but Willow grabs onto the sleeve of my leather jacket, halting me before I can even take two steps.

"You're sure you're ok being here? You're not worried some hot girl might come and hit on you?" She teased me a bit, but I could see the seriousness in her eyes. She was genuinely worried that a nightspot that catered to the alternative was going to freak me out. Of course she has always been super sensitive about what my feelings were regarding her sexuality. Did she honestly think I was homophobic? I never could figure that one out, but she's always been more tip-toe'y with me about it than anyone else.

I leaned down close enough so that my breath was tickling her earlobe. "The only thing I'm worried about is some hot girl hitting on YOU. This is *our* night." And with that I left down the steps to retrieve our drinks, leaving my best friend sitting at our table with a stupefied expression on her face. Lets just see what she makes of that little confession. Not an outright admission of jealousy, but hey, close enough. Baby steps.


	3. 3

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Author: Casandra

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Email: rozwellrulz@aol.com Since my Fanforum account isn't working at the moment.

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Disclaimer: Well even though the show isn't still in its first run, syndication will probably go on for eons, so I guess all this is still necessary. I of course don't own them, because if I did, things would have been a lot more on the slashy side of things. Alas, Mutant Enemy, Fox and Joss don't seem to think the way I do. Oh well.

****

Author's Note: Alrighty, somehow this section turned into a bit of a song fic. I used three in here. The first one is by Cracker, entitled _'The Good Life'. _The second one is a current favorite of mine right now. It's a great tune, I highly rec it. It's by HIM called _'Ressurrection'. _And for the last one I wanted something more romantic, so I picked Foreigner's _'I Want To Know What Love Is' . _What can I say, I'm a child of the 80's. And another note, somebody asked for a Willow POV part, so here ya are ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Willow POV~

Ok, what was *that* about! She's worried that someone is going to hit on me?! Ok, well maybe she's just trying to be protective of my relationship with Kennedy. But yeah, that explanation flies out the window as soon as it came, because Buffy can barely stand Kennedy. And that's on a good day. Of course neither of them think I can sense the hostility between them. I have no clue why they think that, considering I'm a witch and I'm naturally more in tune with all things emotional, especially since my time with the coven in England last year. I honestly can't figure out why they don't get along though. I know Kennedy can be a little headstrong and impetuous, which is actually a lot like Buffy was when she first became a Slayer. Plus, add in the whole Slayer thing and they're actually quite a bit alike. Kennedy has always reminded me of a strange cross between Buffy and Faith. Quite an attractive combination I must say.

Of course I've always had a thing for Slayers. More so one Slayer, but I will admit to checking out Faith's assets more than once. With her it was the first time I really had appreciated the female physique in a decidedly naughty way. It was a small case of lust, pure and simple. Probably yet another reason I was so hostile to Faith, added onto the whole 'she's stealing MY Buffy' thing I had going on at the time. And ironically enough Faith was the one who made me accept my feelings for Buffy for what they really were. I had loved Buffy so much, for so long that I didn't stop to think what loving her really meant. Or *how* exactly I loved her. I just did. And I didn't overanalyze it, I didn't think about it, it was just as natural to me as breathing air into my lungs. The sky is blue, the grass is green, I loved Buffy, it was that simple a truth to me. And until Faith came along I had never thought about loving Buffy in a physical way as well. I mean I had always noticed she was gorgeous, it's a very hard thing not to take notice of. Especially with half the class checking her out at any given moment. But I never thought it was strange that I happened to agree with their opinion, because she was my best friend, so of course I was appreciative of her looks, that's how it works, right? Yep, it's embarrassing to think I was that naive. 

But once Faith showed up and I realized I could be attracted to a woman based solely on looks, I started re-evaluating everything. And I came to the really shocking conclusion that I was actually IN love with Buffy as well. Heart, body, soul, and mind, they were all hers. And up until that point Buffy only had three of those. So I figured, without the physical love I couldn't really be IN love with her, I just loved her more than anybody. And there was a difference between the two so I was perfectly normal and completely straight. So who was I kidding? 

Just myself apparently. 

So 4 years after the fact of finally realizing it, I've still yet to do anything about it. And I probably never will. But because of keeping myself in the dark so long, I tend to over analyze everything now, instead of finding myself in the same predicament again. So just what did Buffy mean by this being *our* night? Hell, if I didn't know better, and I'm almost sure I do, I'd say she was acting rather possessive. Sort of like the way Kennedy gets when we're here and is constantly giving anyone who steps within five feet of our table the Slayer death glare. Before I can ponder that rather interesting new thought I see Buffy come bounding back up the stairs, not so carefully balancing our cocktails in her hands.

"Come on Will, lets shake and shimmy!" She grabs my hand as she sets the drinks down with the palm that my own hand isn't possessing, dragging me out of the stool and heading back for the steps before I can even mumble a response.

We hit the dance floor just as a new song is starting up. I recognize it immediately. The memory hits me, making me realize just how long ago it really was.

**__**

This holy circus camp   
Aladdin and his lamp   
A feverish daydreams and sway de loca   
My face in magazines   
The lesbian James Dean   
I got all I ever wanted 

Buffy starts getting into it right away, I don't think it registers with her the way it does with me. But I know I won't ever forget that moment.

**__**

So I don't mind saying   
This is how the good life's supposed to be   
The good life for you, for me   
Well I don't mind saying   
This is how the good life's supposed to be   
The good life for you, for me 

I had been really worried about her, not really getting into the festiveness of the Prom the way Oz seemed to be. Which was strange in and of itself, Oz getting into the spirit of something. I had no idea if she was alright or not, I just knew that so far the Prom had seemed to be safe. So that had probably meant she was successful, I just didn't know what the price had been. But just when I was really ready to start freaking out I saw her hesitantly walk into the gym. Her gown fitting her perfectly, her hair flowing freely down her bare shoulders. She was our hero, MY hero. Oz actually had to get my attention at first because I was so wrapped up in my thoughts of her lying dead with a Hellhound on top of her, that I hadn't even noticed at first. And I bet he wishes he never had. Because for the next 20 minutes I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

**__**

Down miles of empty road   
With acolytes in tow   
You could be Persephone   
A pigeon through the glass   
A drunken trapeze act

Well you got all you ever wanted 

"Hey Will, why does this song sound so familiar? Do you recognize it?" Well color me surprised, she does remember. At least somewhat.

"Yeah, they played it at Prom." Don't want to let her know just exactly when they played it, because that might look a tad bit suspicious.

**__**

So I don't mind saying   
This is how the good life's supposed to be   
The good life for you, for me   
Well I don't mind saying   
This is how the good life's supposed to be   
The good life for you, for me 

As the song wound down I looked up into her hazel eyes to see if she did indeed remember.

"Oh that's right! Hey, speaking of Prom, you never did tell me if you were in on that whole Class Protector thing." Oh uh. Busted. I had been waiting that entire summer after graduation for her to pounce on me with that question, and she never once did. I considered myself lucky when I didn't have to explain about having that secret when we had our no secrets rule in effect. Leave it to Buffy to bring it up 4 years after the fact.

Just as I was about to try and wiggle my way out of an explanation, a new song started up. It had a bit of a hard beat to it, perfect for dancing, and even better for getting Buffy's mind off of her little question. "Come on Buff, I love this song!" Truthfully I had never heard it before, but she didn't need to know that. I pulled her farther onto the dance floor, into the crush of bodies gyrating all around us.

**__**

There was a time  
When I could breath my life in you  
One by one  
Your pale fingers started to move  
And I touched your face  
And all life was erased  
You smiled like an angel  
(falling from grace) 

We`ve been slaves to this love  
From the moment we touched  
And keep begging for more  
Of this resurrection

Well that certainly is appropriate. I was a slave to my love for her, hence resurrecting her. Honestly, I'm not sure anymore if I even believed that she was trapped in Hell or someplace just as unpleasant. I just missed her so damn much that I think I got to the point where I didn't even care anymore. I needed her back. It was one of the few times that I let my selfish desires override my better judgement. And I paid dearly for it. We both did.

  
**_We`ve been slaves to this love  
From the moment we touched  
And keep begging for more  
Of this resurrection  
  
You kissed my lips  
With those once cold fingertips  
You reached out for me  
And oh how you missed  
You touched my face  
And all life was erased  
You smiled like an angel  
(falling from grace) _**

Oh how I wished that was true. I've ached for Buffy's kiss, her touch, for years now. And for a while I could keep myself moderately happy with her friendship. The hugs we shared. How she would hold my hand or loop her arm through my own when I went on patrol with her. But those days are long over, they stopped almost immediately after I met Tara. I wonder....................

**__**

We`ve been slaves to this love  
From the moment we touched  
And keep begging for more  
Of this resurrection  
  
We`ve been slaves to this love  
From the moment we touched  
And keep begging for more  
Of this resurrection 

No, it's not possible, I mean Buffy would never feel like that for me. She probably just restrained herself so that I wouldn't get the wrong impression. I mean it does seem like the time our friendship took a southward turn was right around the time I came out. But I mean, that has to be a coincidence, right? Or maybe she was freaked that I would hit on her or something like that, and that's the reason why she pulled away. Ugh, I'm getting a headache, too many deep and confusing thoughts. And lets not even go near the distressing conversation I had with Kennedy before I came home to Buffy. Came home to Buffy, I think I really like the way that sounds in my head.

Buffy seems to want to bring on a migraine though, because before I realize what she's doing, I'm in her arms, my hands looped around her neck seemingly of their own accord. And we're slow dancing. Buffy and me are dancing to a slow song. Together. In each other's arms. This is definitely new. 

**__**

I gotta take a little time  
A little time to think things over  
I better read between the lines  
In case I need it when I'm older  
  
Now this mountain I must climb  
Feels like a world upon my shoulders  
I through the clouds I see love shine  
It keeps me warm as life grows colder 

In my life there's been heartache and pain  
I don't know if I can face it again  
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far  
To change this lonely life 

Wow, I haven't heard this song in ages! And boy did she pick an interesting one for us to dance to. Wait a second, why *did* she pick one in the first place? Best friends generally do not slow dance together. And best friends certainly don't dance as close as we are now. I feel her hold around my waist tighten and pull me closer to her, and I realize that I don't really care why.

**__**

I wanna know what love is  
I want you to show me  
I wanna feel what love is  
I know you can show me 

Buffy lifts her gaze up and meets my startled one. Yep, I'm so confused. Yet strangely, still not caring. She smiles at my perplexed expression and then pulls me even closer, if that were possible, and rests her head snugly against my shoulder.

**__**

I'm gonna take a little time  
A little time to look around me  
I've got nowhere left to hide  
It looks like love has finally found me  
  
In my life there's been heartache and pain  
I don't know if I can face it again  
I can't stop now, I've traveled so far  
To change this lonely life  
  
**_I wanna know what love is  
I want you to show me  
I wanna feel what love is  
I know you can show me _**

I can't help but to relax into her embrace, relishing this almost perfect moment. Nothing matters right now. I don't have a girlfriend. Our home was never destroyed by the purest evil man has ever known. Nothing in the last seven years matters. Except us. Buffy and Willow. Together. I don't care about what's going to happen after the song comes to an end, all I care about right now is savoring the first real contact I've had with Buffy in almost 3 years.

**__**

I wanna know what love is  
I want you to show me  
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is  
And I know, I know you can show me  
  
Let's talk about love  
I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside  
I want you to show me, and I'm feeling so much love  
I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide  
I know you can show me, yeah 

I feel Buffy start to pull away a bit, and I involuntarily whimper at the loss of contact. I knew it was going to end sometime, but that felt like mere seconds. She tilts her head back up to meet my gaze again. "Will......." I can see the hesitance in her hazel eyes, I can hear it in the way she says my name. I should have known it was too good to be true. "Will, can you? I want you to........."

She can not be asking what I think she's asking me. It's completely impossible, right? But she did instigate our slow dance. And the way she was holding me. I may not have the handbook on best friend etiquette, but that's just not normal. She was holding me almost like Xander was right before we had our clothes fluke. 

Oh my god! 

But wait, we're not all that dressed up, so no clothes fluking to be had. "Buffy?" I'm not sure what to say, because I'm even less sure of what exactly is going on. I can't help but lean in even closer to her as her name whispers past my lips. I'm naturally drawn to Buffy, I always have been. And in this moment, more so than ever.

**__**

I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love  
**_I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too  
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too  
And I know and I know, I know you can show me  
Show me love is real, yeah  
I wanna know what love is... _**

As I'm leaning in, she starts mirroring my action, bringing our bodies as close as humanly possible. I can feel her breath tickling my lips in teasing anticipation. She's going to kiss me. I can't believe it! Buffy's going to kiss me. Just as I go to close my eyes, preparing for the sweetest embrace I could ever hope to imagine, her eyes dart away from mine to something over my shoulder.

"What in the hell!?"

~~~~~

TBC, I know, I'm a tease :P


	4. 4

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Author: Casandra

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Email: rozwellrulz@aol.com Since my Fanforum account isn't working at the moment.

****

Disclaimer: Well even though the show isn't still in its first run, syndication will probably go on for eons, so I guess all this is still necessary. I of course don't own them, because if I did, things would have been a lot more on the slashy side of things. Alas, Mutant Enemy, Fox and Joss don't seem to think the way I do. Oh well.

****

Rating: PG-13 for now

**__**

~~~~~~~~

Buffy POV

I cannot believe how good it is to feel Willow in my arms again. It seems like a lifetime since we've been so physically close with one another. It probably was another lifetime ago, at least from my perspective. That just makes this so much sweeter. Nothing matters at the moment. She doesn't belong with someone else. We're here, together, where we've always been meant to be. Nothing has ever felt more perfect.

****

I see her naturally start to inch closer to me, if that is even possible, we're practically melded into one another now as it is. I copy her action, fully intending to finally snare those sweet perfect lips with my own for the very first time. Just as we're about to come together my eye catches something over Willow's shoulder.

"What in the hell!?"

That is just SO not possible! I mean there is just no way in hell that I could be seeing what I think I'm seeing.

"Buffy?" I look back up into Willow's incredibly confused gaze and for a moment I forget what pulled me away from those luscious lips in the first place. But only for a moment. I smile a bit to reassure her that it was nothing she did, running the tips of my fingers along her brow, easing her perplexed expression as much as I can. As soon as I see her start to calm down, I turn her around in my embrace, keeping my hands firmly on her hips.

"Willow, please tell me you're not seeing what I'm seeing." I whisper in her ear. As upset as I am I can't help but be completely mellowed by our closeness. She just has the most taming effect on me. It's quite ridiculous at times. For years she'd go on patrol with me and I'd get into a fight, be all in the moment and everything. The second I dusted the vampire and turned back her way, I was completely with her. No fight seconds ago. I was completely at peace in her presence. And then we stopped patrolling together and that was that. I had almost forgotten what that felt like.

"Buff, I don't know what you................oh my god!" Apparently I'm not seeing things. And I so wish for once I were. Because that little talk that I was going to have with Dawn? Gonna have it right this second. And now I'm pissed, because this is taking precedence over Willow smoochies! "Buffy, did you know about them?" The 'them' in question is Dawn. And her apparent spit swapping partner. None other than Faith.

"I had no clue! I mean I knew she was coming here to see Faith. But I never realized how much of Faith she was seeing!" Oh it better not be more than what she's seeing now. Because if she's seen more of Faith than what her two sizes too small tank top and leather pants are showing right this second, she is grounded for the rest of her natural life. 

"Wow, I never would have guessed." Willow leans back into my embrace. It's a casual movement, so natural, that I just as naturally move my hands from her hips, around her waist and lock my hands together, keeping her firmly in my arms. I rest my chin on her shoulder as we continue to unashamedly stare at the display going on not more than twenty feet from us. The music has sped up a bit again, not as slow as the ballad Willow and I were dancing to moments ago. But it's not a hard, fast pace. Faith and Dawn don't seem to notice either way though, they're too caught up in each other. Faith has her arms firmly wrapped around Dawnie's waist, running her hands gently up and down the lower portion of her back. Dawn has her head snuggled against Faith's shoulder, her nose seemingly buried in the dark shiny mane of hair that Faith seems to love to tease constantly. Willow and I continue to watch them, the familiarity with which they seem to dance, the closeness and gentleness of their embrace. I wonder how long this has been going on. "I wonder how long they've been together?" Willow voices my unasked question. She seems to take it for granted that they ARE together, and not just dancing.

"How do you know they're *together* Will, I mean maybe they just decided to dance?" Yep, denial isn't just a river in Egypt anymore. 

"Come on Buffy! I mean look at them! They're all with the swoony eyes and the gentle touches. Look how close they're dancing together. They have to be a couple!" She leaves out the fact that *we* were dancing exactly like them not more then five minutes ago. And we're not a couple. Of course I kill my own logic with that right there, because I want more than anything to be a couple with Willow. Me being in love with her and everything. 

Oh god! Does that mean that Faith and Dawn are in love!?

I can deal with them dancing. Honestly, I'm dealing here. That might just be because Willow is standing firmly encased in my arms. But it doesn't matter, because I'm dealing. But add in the factor that they might genuinely possibly be in love with each other? I'm on a direct flight to Wiggins City. I doubt even Willow will be able to calm me if that's really the case. 

"So what are you going to do? Should we go over there and talk to them? Or wait until they get home?" Oh yes, wait until they get home so that they can do all sorts of very naughty things in the meantime.

"Like hell I'm going to let them keep doing THAT when I can put a stop to it!" Yep, I'm putting my foot down. The music has picked up again and the two of them are actually drawing an audience, the bumping and grinding is that bad. I reluctantly remove myself from Willow's warmth, and start the trek over to the, by now, rather large crowd of voyeurs, grabbing Willow's hand in the process. As much for her support in what I know is going to be a very unpleasant conversation, and the fact that I just can't seem to *not* be in direct physical contact with her now. I've had a taste after so many months of starvation from it, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to go back to the way things were before tonight. 

"Buffy, you're not going to go all Slayer on them are you?" She pulls me to a dead stop about 10 feet away from the onlookers. Slayer on them? 

"What are you talking about Will?" She gives me that exasperated little half smile thing that she does. Ok, so I think I have a good idea what she means. But what does she expect? Just let them go on their merry way causing a ruckus at the local gay nightspot, secretly smooching in alleys or something just as yucky. No way, Buffy Summers' little sister is not going to be doing that.

"Buffy, I know you. You're going to go over there, demand Dawn stop doing whatever it is that she is with Faith. And you're going to alienate both of them." She cups my cheek in her palm, and I can't help but lean into the warmth. "I know you want to protect her. And believe me, if this would have happened a few years ago, I'd be right there with you. But Faith is different now, we both see it. And maybe Dawn has something to do with that difference? Just hear them out, ok? For me?" Well there is no way I can turn that proposition down now. She even gave me her patented Willow smile and everything. Damn her.

"Fine, I'll hear them out. But no promises about anything else. I want to know just what exactly it is that they're doing first and foremost, and then we'll take it from there. Does that sound ok?" I always cave to Willow. What Willow wants, Willow gets. Or so I'm starting to realize.

"Thank you." She says it so sincerely that I can't help but blush. I turn almost purple though when I feel her gently place a delicate kiss on my cheek in an even more sincere show of her gratitude. For just a moment I forget what it is we're talking about, I just stare back at her in amazement. She smiles gently, blushes an adorable shade of pink, and starts tugging me towards our original destination. Right, Faith and Dawn. And dancing. And possible smoochies. Good to know I can still form coherent thoughts.

By the time we come close enough to the mass surrounding my sister and her dance partner, things have started to slow down again, and with the change in tempo, the crowd starts to disassemble to either go back to the bar or dance on their own. Faith and Dawn are again wrapped around each other like two land-bound octopuses. Hands and arms everywhere, I can't tell who's appendages are who's. And they're so caught up in one another that they don't even notice Willow and I standing two feet away from them.

I finally separate myself from Willow to tap Faith on the shoulder. "Can I cut in?" Oh yes, sarcasm. And I haven't even begun. I can just tell how this conversation is going to turn out.

"Not with my girl you're not!" Faith practically growls without even looking over her shoulder. At least at first. But once she catches sight of Dawn's horrified expression, she spins around so fast that I can barely blink. "Shit! B, what're you doin' here?" Now that was a pretty stupid question, considering I would think that Brian had told her I stop in every once in a while. Unless he doesn't realize we know each other? Ok, way too many thoughts running around upstairs at the moment. I have to focus on the matter at hand. My sister making out with my once arch enemy. Yep, I know now I'm going to fail the police force's psych test next month. After all this trauma I think I'll have a legitimate excuse. 

"Well I could ask you the same question Faith, but I think I already know the answer." For good measure I send Dawn a very hard stare, telling both of them in no uncertain terms that I saw just about everything.

"Buffy, it wasn't what you think! Faith and I were just dancing really. She had a break from work and I came to visit and we decided to let off some steam." Dawn breathes in a lung full of air once she gets all that out. She's nervous as hell, because that's the one and only time that she babbles like my best friend. "It doesn't mean anything, really!" Faith swung her head back around to face her when Dawn mentioned that last part. Hmm, that's interesting.

"So lets see here. Faith and you weren't kissing? Just dancing?" I turn around and look at Willow, not aware that sometime during the last two minutes she's stepped even closer to me, so now I'm almost nose to nose with her. Gotta remember to wear these shoes more often, the heels are just the right size to make us almost exactly even in height. I was all set to smirk triumphantly back at Dawn when I catch the small look of, honestly, I don't know exactly what it is. Willow has a small smile just starting to touch the corner of her perfect mouth. And for the moment I'm swept back into the memory of *our* near kiss.

"You were spying on us!?" I'm broken from my decidedly non-sister thoughts by the screeching howler monkey. 

I mean Dawn. 

I haven't heard her use that tone of voice in so long now that I had almost forgotten what it sounded like. I really wish I hadn't been reminded.

Just as I'm about to go on the defensive, Willow lightly touches my arm, asking me for silent permission to take over for a second. She knows I'm fast approaching my boiling point. I place my hand atop her own that is still resting on my forearm, granting her said permission, vaguely noticing Faith taking in our close proximity to each other. "Dawnie, we weren't spying on you. Buffy and I came here to have a girls night out, and we just happened to notice you guys across the dance floor. With the, uh, you know, smoochies." Willow didn't happen to mention the fact that we were on a train bound for Smoochville ourselves when I got derailed at Faith sucking face with my sister. I should kick her ass for disrupting Willow kissage alone. Aww, but Will is so cute when she blushes. Which she is doing now. I'm not sure if it's from remembering our near miss, or seeing someone she looks at as a little sister, kissing someone like Faith. Either reason, it's still adorable.

Dawn looks back and forth between Willow and myself, I assume she's trying to make up her mind on whether to lie or not. Before she can answer one way or another though, Faith speaks up. "Yeah, we were kissing. What's the matter with that B?" Surprisingly, I thought they'd deny it, or try and wiggle their way out of it with a lame explanation. I can't say I'm really prepared for straight up Faith. 

I think I'll jump onto the end of her little confession though. Might as well go with the obvious disapproving parental side of the argument here. "What's the matter with that!? Faith, she's 17! And you're..... you're.....you!" Yes that was a convincing argument there Buffy. Never mind the fact that you were making out with Angel *and* helping him to lose his soul through bed bouncies when you were barely Dawn's age.

"And just what the hell does that mean?" Faith is glaring at me, with good reason. Or maybe at least *she* thinks it's a good reason. Yes, Willow is right, she has changed. Drastically. But I still can't forget everything she did to all of us. And who's to say it couldn't just happen all over again. I mean it happened once before, and none of us were expecting it. And if that is going to happen, I don't want my sister anywhere in the vicinity.

"You know exactly what it means Faith! Who's to say you won't go all psycho Slayer again. Only this time, you kidnap Dawn instead of Willow? What is it with you going after the people that I love the most, huh?" I hear a small gasp come from behind my shoulder and I suddenly realize what I just said. Well there's another little revelation for my Will. Gotta keep up those baby steps I suppose. I can't take the time to think about *that* particular fallout though, because I'm too worried about the ramifications my little diatribe is having now. I have to admit, that was a bit harsh. But I've been on emotional pins and needles all night. And it's finally starting to get to me. And Faith is taking the brunt of it unfortunately.

"Buffy, it's not like that!" Dawn again, seeming to come out of her daze because she can sense that Faith is ready to blast off and either deck me, or bail. "Faith and I were kissing, yes. But honestly, we were just fooling around, it's no big deal." Again Faith swings around to stare at Dawn, this time like she's suddenly sprung antlers out of her forehead. This is getting stranger and stranger by the minute. At least I can be thankful that the music is loud enough that we're not drawing a crowd.

"So you just make out with people for fun? Is that it Dawn?" Oh yes, I can play the disapproving parent again. Of course when all your relationships have failed and you had an amazing lack of fun during them, it's easy to do that.

"No! I mean, I uh........" Dawn is at a complete loss. At least she's not trying to lie, which is a step up from her kleptomania last year.

"Then what the hell is IT?!" Well if that volume didn't draw an audience, nothing will. I've lost total patience with the entire thing. I'm standing here arguing with my little sister and my sister in arms about something that really, shouldn't matter all that much to me. Especially with Willow standing pressed up tight against me. I want this over and done with. Now. I have much more pressing matters to attend to. Namely getting back to the prospect of Willow smoochage.

"I'm in love with her Buffy!" I was wrong, because Faith's voice probably projected that little tidbit all the way out to the parking lot. And whoa, she said my full name. I can't remember the last time that happened.

  
Wait a second.......

"WHAT?!"

"Wow....."

"You......you're.....in love? With me?"

She's in love with my little sister! No! This is so not happening. What the hell, is it in the freaking water or something?! I mean four of us, that's just not possible, is it? But let's get back to the more distressing issue. Faith, ex criminal Faith. Want. Take. Have, Faith. Is in love with MY baby sister!

"Buffy, calm down, you look like you're going to pop a blood vessel or something." I feel Willow gently rubbing the palm of her hand up and down my back, trying to soothe my nerves. I'm not sure it's possible, even for my Will, because I'm pretty damn raw right now.

"Faith, did you really mean it?" I unashamedly stare directly at Dawn, who's now cupping Faith's cheek gently in her palm, trying to coax the older girl into meeting her gaze. I really don't need to be seeing this, it's so not helping.

Faith clasps her hand over Dawn's, which is still resting against Faith's cheek, rubbing small circles with the pad of her thumb over my sister's knuckles. "I mean it baby, I love you, so much." Faith picks up Dawn's hand from the side of her face and turns her head, pressing a gentle kiss into her palm. Honestly, if I were an outside observer and not one of the participants' legal guardians, I'd actually think it was rather sweet. Too bad I'm not an outsider. "I never thought I would, that I could, fall in love Dawnie. But I have, so damn hard." And not giving any thought whatsoever to the fact that Willow and I are still standing right next to them, Dawn reaches up, grabs the back of Faith's neck, and pulls her down into a sultry kiss.

My little sister ladies and gentlemen. Ugh.

I turn away from the spectacle, I really have no need to see Faith probing Dawnie's mouth with her obviously skillful tongue, if Dawn's small moans are any indication. So much for that sex talk. I'm sure with Faith as her tutor she knows even more than I do at this point, especially in the lesbian lovin' arena. How fair is that? 

"God Faith, I love you too!" Well, she certainly still sounds like a teenager, a moony eyed, over the moon in love teenager. Oh man, please tell me I did NOT sound like that with Angel. Cause just, ugh. I feel Willow tugging the back of my shirt to get me to face her. Apparently I'm still staring at their display, which has now turned into a great big bear hug, with Faith's hands coming dangerously close to Dawn's ass.

"Buffy, come on, give them some space." Ok, why is Willow playing Devil's advocate here? I mean my sister is frenching with Faith! My sister is in love with Faith! 

Oh god I think I need to sit down. 

Willow pulls me along by the back of my shirt, as I slowly backpedal across the dance floor, reluctantly turning around and giving up my gaze of their still heated embrace, as Willow pulls out a bar stool and just about pushes me into it. The bartender comes over to take our order, but I'm not really paying any attention, I'm still trying to catch a glimpse, trying to make sure that they're not actually shedding any articles of clothing out there. With Faith, you never can be too certain. Willow looks expectantly at me for I'm guessing my drink preference, but honestly, I'm in a bit of a fog here. She turns back around to the bartender when I don't offer up anything. "Um, can you do a Gravedigger?" He nods his head in the affirmative and goes to the other side of the bar to make whatever the hell a Gravedigger is. I find myself gazing up at Willow as she's watching the bartender, I guess to make sure he wasn't just faking knowledge that he didn't really have. Through all the stress and strangeness of the last 15 minutes or so, she looks so serene and calm.

The bartender comes back, with a small glass of something, presumably the Gravedigger. "Put it on Faith's tab, ok?" He nods again. Wow, someone more monosyllabic than Oz, who knew such a creature existed. Willow takes my hand and places the shot glass in it, closing my fingers back around. I guess she figures I'm not paying even a small bit of attention to her. Little does she know just how much I DO focus on her. "Here Buffy, drink this, it might make you feel better." I don't see how really, but anything for my Will. I drain the shot glass in one fell swoop. 

Dear God!

"What the hell was THAT!?" I'm barely able to get that out between the coughing and sputtering. I don't think I've tasted anything so strong in my life. Well maybe that demon's heart Angel fed me when I was telepathic, but this is a very close second. It's disturbing really.

"Whiskey and rum. Really strong rum." Willow's rubbing small circles on my back, trying to ease the coughing jag her little concoction sent me into. "I thought something really strong might clear your head a bit." Or make me violently ill. I guess she never thought about the fact I hold my liquor about as well as a five year old. "I'm sorry Buff, you just seemed so tense and upset, I wanted to calm you down a bit. Guess I wasn't really thinking so much, but you were starting to turn a really alarming shade of red watching Dawnie and Faith kiss. And well, I guess that wasn't the best idea, bringing it up again. But you know, I can see them over your shoulder, and they're not smooching anymore, just dancing. Pretty close, but still no smoochies. And would you please just shut me up!" I couldn't help but let her go on and on It's been a long time since I've seen her babble so much. I think she even broke a sweat with that one, because there's a light sheen of perspiration coating her forehead. 

"It's ok Will, I appreciate the thought. But I don't think even that thing is strong enough to make me forget what just happened." I can really only think of one thing that would put Faith and Dawn's little display out of my mind. And really, I can't actually tell Willow that. I can just see her face. 'Yeah Will, the only thing you can do is kiss me senseless, that'll work!'. Yep, her fish out of water impersonation would be dead on, I just know it.

"Why don't we just go on home then? Maybe pop a movie in, I have that new DVD player, we can fire it up and try it out?" Willow gives me her half puppy dog, half five year old on Christmas morning look. Another one of her faces I'm completely powerless against. Even though I was looking forward to dancing the night away with her, I can't help but let the revelations of the night sour my mood a bit. Maybe just going home and vegging is a good idea. I mean I'll still be with Willow, just in a much quieter, much more private setting. With just the two of us lounging on her bed. 

Suddenly her idea seems brilliant! 

Lying on a bed, Willow's bed, cuddled up, hopefully watching a sappy love story. Sounds like absolute bliss to me. I don't know why I thought dancing at a crowded club was better. Oh yes, wait, naughty friction. But hey, there can be naughty friction on her bed, if I play my cards right that is.

"Sounds great to me Will, I think I could use a little quality one on one Willow time." And with that I dismounted the stool and started heading towards the exit, pulling Willow by the hand behind me. I fished in the pocket of my leather jacket, blindly fumbling around for my valet token. 

"Did we forget?" Willow dangles the little card in front of me between her thumb and forefinger. I go to take it from her, but she snatches it back out of my reach. "No way Buff, that shot hit you like a ton of bricks, in fact I think I saw your eyes roll back into your head for a second there. I'm driving home." I want to protest, I really do. But nothing comes out of my mouth. Well there's another example of what Willow wanting, she gets. And she's right, I *had* forgotten I gave her the token for safe keeping. Huh, must have been one of those psychic Slayer things. 

I slide in the passenger seat after the valet brings my car around, agreeably handing over my car keys to Willow. "Wow, I expected to have a much harder time snagging those keys from you." She pauses before pulling out into traffic, turning to look into my eyes, presumably making sure I didn't pass out or am about to puke all over the place from the liquor. I just gaze back at her tranquilly, surprisingly content for the moment. There's that Willow mellowy feeling again. "You sure you're ok?" As much as I really shouldn't, I love it when she worries about me. It lets me know she cares. Not that I doubt it, but it's nice to be reminded on occasion. 

"Nothing a movie fest with my favorite woman in the whole world." I'm beginning to think these baby steps are starting to mirror my size 10's.

****

TBC...................

**__**

A/N: The Gravedigger thing came from a personal experience a couple of months ago when some of my friends took me out to cheer me up after my breakup with my girlfriend. Not fun stuff, I think I'm definitely going to stick to the Fuzzy Navels.


	5. 5

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow POV

"Ok, wait a second. So which ones are dead? Or are any of them dead? Or all they all dead?" I maybe should have re-thought popping in Kennedy's copy of Soul Survivors. It can get a bit confusing, especially for someone who's never seen it before. Of course I think Kennedy just bought it because the one character reminds her of Faith. 

Yep, I'm well aware my girlfriend's had a bit of a crush on our resident ex convict. It honestly doesn't bother me, besides, who am I to be a judge. I've been lusting after my best friend for years. So to make an issue of Kennedy's little fascination with Faith's leather clad body would be completely hypocritical.

"Will, do you get this movie?" Oh right. Dead or not dead, that is the question. I've actually seen this movie twice now, and I'm still not completely sure. I just grabbed it off of the pile in my room, leftovers from the last DVD fest with my girlfriend.

"Umm, well I think the boyfriend is still alive, and the blonde's alive. But I think the other guy and the Faith look-alike, they I think were killed in the accident. It's one of those psychological thriller type movies. You never know what's what."

Buffy tilts her head up from where it's been laying in my lap for the last half hour of the movie, a curious expression crossing her face. Yep, I haven't been paying a whole lot of attention to the television, just stroking her blonde locks and massaging her shoulders a bit, trying to work out the tension from tonight's earlier excitement. She hasn't complained, so I wasn't going to worry about invading personal space, since she's the one who plopped her head where it is in the first place. "You noticed that too?" I cast her a quizzical glance, not entirely sure what it is she's talking about. We go from who's dead, to me noticing things? Color me lost. Once she catches the look on my face, she elaborates. "The fact that girl, the sort of gothic one, looked so much like Faith?" Oh right yes, that. I nod my head in the affirmative. She accepts that and puts her head back into what I assume is a comfy position, still in my lap. Nope, not complaining here at all. "This is nice."

"What is?" Yep, for as much of a brain I am, I can still be pretty thick sometimes.

"Being here, like this. With you. I've missed just having my Willow all to myself." Aww, now that was sweet. And hey, I'm still *her* Willow! I remember when she said that back in high school, and then slung her arm around me, I could have literally jumped tall buildings in a single bound, it made me that happy. I couldn't have cared less about the impending apocalypse, because I was hers. I probably shouldn't be so gung hoe about being possessed by someone I guess. But it's different with Buffy. I *want* to be hers, just like I want her to be mine. After that dance tonight, of which we seem to completely be avoiding discussion about, I thought it might actually be a conceivable notion. And during the time we were getting our groove on at Olympus, I had actually forgotten my conversation with Kennedy this afternoon. 

Can't do that now though. It seems to be all I can think about, with Buffy in such close proximity to me. And with our physical closeness returning after such a long dry spell, it's right in the forefront of my mind. I think maybe I should tell Buffy about it. If anything, it will relieve some of the burden off of my shoulders. I can't just make this decision without talking with her first. I mean yes, I am an adult, but she factors into this so much right now. Twelve hours ago I might not have given her reaction quite as much thought as I am. But I can just feel that something changed tonight. I'm not exactly sure what it was, but there's something different between us. I feel closer to her in this very moment than I have with anyone. Ever. And really, we're just lying here on my bed. Sure we're curled up together a bit, one could almost say we were doing a bit of cuddling. But it's not just the physicality of it. There's something else there. Like something spiritual, something binding.

Of course I've always felt connected to Buffy, even from that very first day we met. There was something so captivating about her, even before I found out that she was the Slayer. I mean sure, she was the first person to be nice to me outside of Jesse and Xander in quite a long time. But still, it was more than that, I know it. Now. And that connection, *that's* what kept me in Sunnydale after we graduated. I tried to convince myself that entire summer that I wanted to stay because I needed to be able to help Buffy in the good fight. But who was I kidding? Besides myself? But I didn't go to a place where I thought a relationship with Buffy was a conceivable thing. That little realization was quite surprising, and I have no idea why. I knew I loved Buffy. Like, a whole lot. Really, no flowery poetic words would really do justice to how intense my feelings for her ran. Run. And I knew that I could have the lusty thoughts to go along with it, Faith proved that to me. So I really shouldn't have been shocked that it was an all encompassing type of deal.

So now, here we are, 4 years later, and I'm in the situation where I have to make another one of those choices. But this time I'm well aware of everything, every feeling that I have, and what it means. So should I really have to be sitting here pondering this? Should the decision already be made for me?

"Will?" I completely got lost in my own little monologue I forgot that she was probably waiting for a positive reply to her little confession. Might as well get this over with though. No time like the present I suppose. If living on the Hellmouth taught me anything, it was to cherish the time we do have. To not wait until tomorrow to do something that really could be done today. It might be a cynical view on things, but after you've seen everything I have in the last 8 or so years, it becomes a necessity.

"Buffy, there's something I need to talk to you about." I grudgingly sit up, forcing her to move her head out of my lap and face me, crossing her legs and sitting opposite of me on my bed indian style. I'm honestly not sure how to go about this. Do I bring up our little near miss back at the club first? Should that even be playing a role in this? Well yes, I suppose it should. Because if that was any indicator of things to come, or of things that *could* come, if I play my cards right, then absolutely that is an important factor into all of this.

Buffy takes my hand into her own warm palm after I fail to meet her inquisitive gaze. "Willow, you know, whatever it is, you can talk to me about it. I'm always going to be here for you." She blushes a little bit when I give her a small look. She knows what I'm referring to. Sure she'll always be there for me. 

Now. 

Not so much the last two years. And we both know that we're on the road to correcting that, but still, it's something we tease each other about. Because if we can't make light of the last couple of years, it gets awfully depressing, thinking about all the time we wasted being avoidy and non best friendly. In fact I need to stop thinking about it now or I'm going to go to the bad place and never get this conversation on the right track. I smile a bit in response to her blush, squeezing her hand and reassuring her that I know she feels guilty about the past. We both do.

"Buffy, I had a conversation with Kennedy today......." I trailed off, wondering if I should sugar coat it, or just be bluntly honest. Buffy doesn't give me a chance to finish though.

"Of course you did Will, I mean she's your girlfriend, and as your girlfriend you're entitled to have chats with her once in a while. I mean that's what people in relationships do right? Because otherwise feelings get bottled up, people don't tell the people they care about the truth and things get all messy." Ok, since when did Buffy inherit my tendency for run on sentences? I mean she sounds super nervous, and for the life of me I haven't a clue why. I'm the one that has the big dilemma here, not her. 

Right?

"Um yeah, right Buff. Kennedy and I have conversations all the time. But this one was different." Yep, it had nothing to do with the power of her tongue ring. Or the fact that I made her wear socks to bed because her toes are like tiny little icebergs. Or her atrocious taste in movies. Nope, nothing mundane about this one.

"Different?" Again, what is with that tone of voice. She sounds anxious. Nervous and anxious. Huh.

"Yeah, well umm, see Buffy, Rona and Vi are heading to New York in a few weeks. And they asked Kennedy if she wanted to go along." Well, that's part of it.

"Oh." She pauses for a moment. "Oh! Well is she going?" Ok, anxious, nervous, and now, what? Excited?

"Well yeah, she told me she is. That's what she wanted to talk to me about." I'm really beating around the bush here, and honestly I don't know why. Something is keeping me from telling Buffy the whole truth. What, am I afraid that she'll be glad to get rid of me if I tell her the entire thing? No, that's completely irrational, especially since we're getting along so well now.

Buffy uncrosses her legs and scoots up towards the headboard, pulling me into a sideways hug, petting my hair gently. Ok, this was unexpected. Not unwelcomed by any means, just unexpected. "Oh Will, I'm so sorry. I know that must have been a shock to you. You guys have been really tight lately, I can't believe she'd just take off like that." Oh, so that's where the huggies came from. And geeze, could she sound any more contemptful towards Kennedy, she practically growled that last bit out. But now it's all that much more difficult. I should have just been blunt about it.

"Actually Buff, she's not just taking off on me." Again with the subtle, what is with me lately?

"I thought you just said that she was going to New York?" I just love the way Buffy's eyebrows get all scrunchy when she's confused. It's so adorable. I have to forcibly shove the urge back down to reach my hand up and trace the crease away from her forehead.

Okay, focus! You're just going to have to tell her. Be honest. Don't drag her along with stupid half answers. "She wants me to go with her." There, I said it. And I really wish I hadn't. I can feel Buffy's shoulders tense, her arms tighten for a moment around me, but then she suddenly lets go completely. I try to gauge her reaction more thoroughly, looking into her hazel pools for some kind of indicator of what exactly it is she's feeling. She turns her head away from me though, so I'm lost as to how to continue. I was hoping for some kind of definitive reaction to this. 

"Oh." One word. 

She gets up off my bed and heads over to the DVD player, popping out the disk and replacing it back in it's box. Ok, huh? I thought she'd be a little upset at the thought of me leaving. I know we've had some rough patches, but I was pretty sure that was all behind us. So what the hell is this? Yep. This is exactly why I was so beat-around-the-bushy.

"Buffy?" That's about as far as I go. Because honestly, I'd give all my witchy powers in a heartbeat to know what it is she's thinking at this moment.

"Are you going?" It was said so quietly that I almost missed it.

"I'm not sure." That's a lie, and I have no clue why it just came popping out of my mouth like that. Maybe my subconscious is fishing, trying to force something from Buffy. Something I'm not even sure is really there. Bad Willow. But honestly, in the time it took for the movie to play I had made up my mind. I like Kennedy, I really do. We have fun together. And she can be really sweet and considerate when she's not being a brat. And the sex is phenomenal. I can't even express the wonders of that tongue ring of hers. But that's all. It's mostly just physical, with a genuine fondness for each other. But it's not love. I don't think it could ever progress to the point where I could fall in love with her. Most of the reason why is standing not ten feet away from me, playing with the ring on her finger. 

The one I gave her for her last birthday.

And now that I think about it, I haven't seen her *without* that ring since we moved here to Ohio. In the midst of all the hectic planning and constant on edgeness with the First. Not to mention a whole entire brood of Slayers in training, Buffy's birthday kind of got lost in the whole mess. At least the celebrating part of it. I never forgot about it. So on a day I was out picking up some groceries for the entire gang I came across this silver ring in one of the shops along Main street. I had never been in the store before, which was odd because it was right around the corner from the Espresso Pump. And Buffy and I practically lived there during our senior year in high school. 

For some reason the ring just caught my eye. It was silver, with sort of weaved little hearts around the entire band. I'm not even sure they are hearts, they're a bit cockeyed, but at the time I was sure that they were. In the center of the band were two small stones. They looked almost mystical when I first saw them. The colors were rather unusual. And the way they were set into the ring was strange as well. They were almost intertwined together, or so they gave off that appearance. It's rather impossible, at least to my knowledge, to meld two gems together into one piece. I felt compelled to buy it though, as strange is it seemed to be. Buffy and I still weren't on the best of terms, but that didn't mean I couldn't buy her a small birthday gift. 

When I asked the shopkeeper to get it out of the display case I also inquired as to what type of gems were in the ring. The colors were fascinating. One was a greenish color. Not bright like an emerald, but not hinted blue like topaz or aquamarine. The man told me it was a rare form of green garnet. I've never seen any variation of garnet except for the normal red kind. Which happens to be Buffy's birthstone. So I figured the ring was an even better idea, having her birthstone in it as well, even if it wasn't the traditional red. The second stone was even harder to place though. It was a more olive green color, with a shade or two of brown mixed in with it. Almost making a hazel tone. It actually reminded me a lot of the shade of Buffy's eyes. When I inquired about *that* gem the shopkeeper looked a little flustered before he finally told me it was a form of sapphire. Which happens to be *my* birthstone. I had always thought that sapphires were a dark blue color, but he assured me that they come in many forms, all except in a red shade. Even though I still wasn't sure why he got all flustery when I asked him about it, I couldn't see any reason not to buy it. It was perfect.

I'll never forget the shocked expression on Buffy's face when I gave it to her. It was pretty soon after she had finally defeated the Turok Han, thus boosting the morale of the potentials that we already had with us at the time. That was before the real influx began. But still, things were pretty crazy already, making it almost impossible to catch a couple of free moments alone with her to give her my present. Xander and Andrew were always arguing about some crazy Star Wars factoid, Anya was nowhere to be found, Giles was off retrieving potentials left and right. So that left Buffy and myself to pretty much hold down the fort all by our lonesome. 

I remember the night so well. I was getting frustrated up to my ears with the whining about not enough bathroom and shower time between all the girls. It was driving me insane, to the point where I actually contemplated shutting them up magically just to have some peace and quiet. I restrained myself enough to make it out to the backyard and park myself in one of the oversized wooden chairs. I figured gazing up at the stars for a few minutes would calm my nerves some so that I could venture back into the house for a couple hours of shut eye. 

I had sort of lulled myself into a zone where I was concentrating on nothing but trying to pick out the constellations when I heard the back door softly close. I turned around to find Buffy sitting herself down on the top step of the porch, leaning back on her elbows, and moving her eyes up to the pitch January sky. The light of the crescent moon was reflecting off of her hazel eyes, and for that one moment, she actually looked at peace. For the first time I can remember seeing in almost forever. "Couldn't stand it either huh?" I'm startled out of my Buffy gazing by her softly spoken words. She didn't even turn her head to look at me, just continued her contemplation of the night sky.

"I was starting to approach the red zone. One more comment about buying the wrong kind of toothpaste and I was going to magic one of them out to the grocery store to get it themself." I winced a bit, the magic thing was still a bit of a sore subject with everyone. And honestly, I wouldn't have really done that. Well, I probably wouldn't have. But humor about magic, considering all the badness I caused with it after Tara was murdered, probably not the best thing to use. But surprisingly I heard Buffy chuckle a bit in response. Definitely not the reaction I had been expecting.

"I get you Will, if I had the power, I know I would have done it nights ago." I was shocked that she completely agreed with me. I mean I know we had cooked up the idea together to rally the 'troops' with the Uber Vamp, but really, we weren't at the point yet where idle chatter and actually relating occurred. I couldn't help thinking how nice it was. I had a piece, albeit a small one, but still, a piece of Buffy, my best friend, coming back to me.

I suddenly realized when she said 'nights ago' what the date was. Buffy's birthday! I reached into the pocket of my denim jacket to grab the not so carefully wrapped ring box. Buffy was like a kid in a candy store when it came to unwrapping things, so I knew that the outside packaging didn't matter all that much. Even for someone as detail oriented as myself. I had been carrying the ring around with me because I was worried with all the people in the house it would get misplaced. Not stolen, because as annoyed as I can get with the girls, I don't think they'd ever do anything like that. But still, I felt it was better to keep it with me for safe keeping anyway. I fingered the box for a moment before getting up out of my chair and crossing over to where Buffy was reclining, sitting down next to her on the step.

"I got you a little something." I reached out and handed her the small box, watching her expression become confused. She must have forgotten what day it was too. "Happy birthday." The look on her face when she understood that it was a birthday present I had given her is something I'll remember forever. It wasn't just shock. It's hard to explain really. Almost like for that one moment, she realized that someone was concerned with her, not with everyone else in the house. It was about *her* special day. And not even an impending disaster with the First Evil could make it be completely forgotten. It was in that moment when I thought we might just be heading back to what we used to have the first few years of our friendship. All of that in just one look.

She gingerly took the box out of my hand and examined it, holding it gently, almost delicately. Like it was something to be completely cherished and if she handled it too roughly it would poof into thin air. Strange really. "Willow, I can't believe you remembered."  
  
Did she really think I'd forgot the day the love of my life was born? Of course she wasn't aware of all the factors that go into my good memory of that particular fact. But still...... "Of course I remembered. I know we usually celebrate and everything with a party, but with all the badness going on, I guess it just got postponed. But I promise, as soon as we deal with all of this hellmouthy stuff, we'll all go out for belated birthday goodness!"

She smiled a bit, a real Buffy smile. I hadn't seen one of those in ages. Gift still firmly tucked within her grip, she sat up to face me, and without any hesitation, pulled me into the first hug we had shared in what seemed like years. "Thank you Will. It means so much to me that you remembered." Her breath tickled my ear as she whispered her gratitude. I was beginning to like the sensation far too much for my own well-being.

"I'll always remember Buff. Now come on! Open it up, for all you know you might hate it. So thank you's can come after." Well I didn't think she'd hate it. But there is a certain stigma attached to buying someone a ring after all. I just hoped I wasn't crossing any invisible little line. Just when things had started to look up for us too.

She smiled at me again and then tore into the package with Slayer style gusto. Just as I knew she would. I carefully watched her face as she opened the tiny velvet box for the first time, catching sight of the ring encased within it. The moonlight sparkled off the garnet and sapphire gems, the silver band twinkling in the shadow of the stones. I had to admit, I did have great taste. The ring was gorgeous. Probably the best purchase I've ever made in my young life. "Oh god Will!" She looked back up to meet my anxious gaze, I wasn't sure how to take her holy exclamation. Tears started to pool in her eyes, their silver edges spilling over and running small trails down her alabaster cheeks. "It's absolutely gorgeous!" Well that relived my anxiety, she seemed to like it well enough. She leaned in to hug me once again, and I could feel the wetness of her tears against the sleeve of my jacket, enough so as to make it slightly damp. Not that I cared of course. As long as she liked her birthday present, then I was perfectly contented to have a wet jacket. We sat out there for a long while, holding each other, gazing up at the star filled winter sky. I'll always be glad that I had been voted to go get the groceries that day. Otherwise I never would have spotted the ring, and I probably wouldn't have had that night with Buffy either.

I'm brought out of my pleasant trip down memory lane by the not so pleasant reminder that I just blindsided Buffy with my little piece of news. She's still playing with the ring, so I'm wondering just how long I was lost in thought. "Did you ever notice that the garnet in my ring looks exactly like your eyes Will?" Actually, I hadn't. Or maybe I had, and that's one of the reasons I bought it. I always thought the two gems looked rather unusual. Not that my eye color is strange. But there was something almost familiar about the ring. Like I was connected to it somehow. That's what drew me into the shop that January afternoon.

I got up off of my bed and walked up behind her, looking over her shoulder a bit to glance at the piece of jewelry she seemed so fascinated by. I walk around to face Buffy, not liking the fact that I haven't once had the chance to meet her gaze since I told her I might be leaving. She hesitantly lifts her chin up to give me a clear view into her deep hazel orbs. I gaze intently for a moment before looking back down to her finger, something striking me as I do so. I always thought *both* gemstones seemed such a familiar color, and now I know why. The sapphire perfectly matches her eye shade. It's rather uncanny, and just a tad bit unsettling. The sapphire, my birth stone, matches her eye color, and the garnet, her birth stone, matches mine? Well that's just not possible...........

"You know, towards the end, when things were getting really rough, I'd sometimes sit out on the front porch and just look at my ring. The moon would sometimes shine off of the stones and I'd be mesmerized by it. And it always reminded me of you. Every time I looked down at my finger, I would think of you. It's almost like I've been carrying a small piece of you around with me these last 10 months." 

Wow. Just wow. I mean, how do you respond to that? Really? After everything we've been through the last few years, that is probably the most touching thing anyone has ever shared with me. And that's putting it mildly. I can feel my eyes starting to mist over, but I'm determined not to cry. "Buffy, did you ever notice that the sapphire is the exact shade of *your* eyes?" She goggles a bit and then sharply turns to look down at her finger, not believing me, obviously. I gently smile at her and walk back to the bed, sitting on the edge and waiting. For what? I'm not exactly sure. The conversation about her birthday gift was unexpected to say the least. We're still not dealing with the fact that I just told her I might be moving to New York City in a few weeks.

I honestly could do it. I had acceptance to Columbia back when I graduated high school. I'm sure if I re-applied I could get in. It's a great school and I could finally finish up my Bachelor's Degree. Something else that got sucked into the hellmouth when Sunnydale did. I've never been to the city, but I'm sure I could make it work. The thing is though, I just can't go. But more than that, I just don't want to. Not with Buffy here. If it had been Buffy that asked me to move with her to New York this afternoon, I wouldn't have even thought twice about it. As she goes, so goes my nation. It's always been like that. But still, it'd be nice to know what she thought on the matter. She's been completely mum on the subject since I told her. And frankly, the suspense is starting to kill me here.

"Don't."

One word. But stated with such conviction. I raise my head up from where I was studying a particularly interesting patchwork of my bedspread when I hear her stark response.

"Don't?"

Buffy walks over and kneels in front of me. In all the time I've known her I don't think she's ever gotten down on her knees in front of anyone. At least in a voluntary situation. So to see it now is strange to say the least. She takes both of my hands in hers and looks up at me, so earnestly it's a bit unsettling. "Don't go to New York. Please."

"Why?" I can't help but ask. I mean I know *my* reasons for not going. She's kneeling not a foot away from me. Her palms are sweaty and I can see she's become a bit flushed in her cheeks too. Only something that happens when she's extremely nervous. But my curiosity is eating away at me something terrible. I need to know what has her crouched in front of me, clasping my hands so tightly that I'm wondering if I'll still have feeling in them when she lets go. She glances down at our clasped hands again, before once again returning her gaze to meet mine. She sets her jaw, preparing herself for something, what, I don't have any clue about.

"Because I can't live without you Willow."

TBC.........


	6. Final

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy POV

I'm panicking, that's exactly why I'm down on my knees in front of my best friend, literally begging her not to leave me. And that's why I decided to lay all my chips down. I'm taking a huge chance here. Besides the fact that I'm coming off sounding beyond needy. But it's the God's honest truth. I don't know what I'd do without her here with me. Not now. I was so tempted last summer each and every day to call her, to hop on a plane for London to see her. Anything just to know that my Willow was still in that shell of a woman she had become. But I never once did. And I'm determined to never make that same mistake again.

Everything was going so well. I had parked myself in her lap somewhere around the same time the Faith look-alike started making out with her little girlfriend. I literally had to stop myself from purring like a cat when Willow started running her fingers through my blonde locks. It felt *that* good. So instead I just snuggled down, feeling truly content and safe in her arms. I didn't have a care in the world. Which for someone who spent her entire teen life trying to avert one earth ending crisis after another, it was a completely new feeling for me. As much as I cared for Angel, I never felt free, never felt completely at ease with him. After he lost his soul I always wondered afterward just how far his trigger was. Was it the peak of our lovemaking? Or was it before that? I was always walking a very fine line, because having a repeat performance of the second half of my junior year was certainly not on the top of my list of things to do in this lifetime.

But now everything has gone to hell again. So much for that feeling of security. I can't believe Willow would even think of leaving us to go to New York. For Kennedy. Oh, I definitely sound jealous. And I'm being completely unfair. I half heartedly tried to get Willow to leave back when we graduated high school. I thought the best thing for her would be to get away from me, away from the literal hell we lived above. And honestly, I was right. But I'm beyond that now, I'm beyond trying to fight against what my better judgment, my self sacrificing complex, has deprived me of all these years. 

If I want her to stay here. With me. I'm going to have to fight for her. 

And the only way I can do that is to tell her the truth. Give her all her options, let her make an accurate and informed decision. The one thing that scares me though, more than anything I can ever remember being frightened of before, is that she'll still go, knowing everything. But I'll probably lose her anyway if I don't speak up. So that's why I told her I couldn't live without her. Honestly? At this point in my life, when everything is finally starting to fall into place, where I might actually be able to live the rest of my life out in relative normality, I don't think I could survive without Willow here next to me. But that's not really a new thing. I've always needed her. First as a friend, then as my best friend and confidante, and then as a witch, casting one spell after another, doing her best even when she was worried about the consequences of her casts. And the funny thing is, now that things are as normal for me as they have been in the last 8 years, I think I need her more than ever.

I glance up at her again, taking in every feature of her gorgeous face. Her sparkling emerald green eyes, that are misting over with unshed tears. Her cute, finely boned nose. Her flawless porcelain skin, dotted with faint freckles here and there. And her pink, pouty lips that just have me begging to taste them. She still hasn't said anything, which is rather odd, given her tendency to run off at the mouth when she's nervous. And I think this would definitely qualify as that type of situation. Unless it's just me of course. She seems to be staring off at something over my shoulder, her gaze focused on the bureau across from her bed. What could be so fascinating that she'd rather be concentrating on that then her best friend's rather large revelation? 

I turn around, finally getting too curious not to. She's looking at a photo of us! I stare a little more intently at it, trying to place just where it came from. We both look so young, Willow still has her really long hair. She hasn't worn it like that since we were in high school. Then it hits me, where I remember the picture from. 

It's from the time Xander, Willow and I went roller skating. We were trying to cheer her up after the whole internet demon fiasco a couple months after I had moved to Sunnydale. I hadn't realized Willow couldn't skate, and by the time I was clued into the fact, both of us had ended up on the hard wooden floor. To be more accurate, I was on the floor, and Willow was sprawled across my lap, I guess even back then I knew I'd rather be hurt myself then ever see harm come to her. I don't know where Xander had been hiding the camera though, because before Slayer sense kicked back in, he had already snapped off the picture.

And somehow Willow has it. I don't know how long, because this is the first I've seen it. And I had been in her room back in Sunnydale more times than I can count. Plus we lived together for a whole year in a small confined dorm room. So whether she just got it from Xander now, or she was just too embarrassed to display it, I don't know. I can't imagine why she would be embarrassed though. Ever since I can remember I've kept pictures of her and Xander around me. On my nightstand, on my bulletin board. I even have a blown up one of the three of us hanging on my wall here in Cleveland. I was so glad that I kept one of the wallet sized with me at all times, otherwise it would have been sucked down into the hellmouth right along with everything else that we all owned. Which of course begs the question of how Willow still has the one she's transfixed by. She must have been doing the same thing I've been. Which warms my heart by leaps and bounds.

I turn back around to find her still gazing at the picture, a very small smile starting to edge its way onto her lips. Squeezing her hands gently, I try and get her to focus back on me. Back on the huge conversation I think we really need to have now. "How long have you had that?" When she finally meets my gaze I gesture with my head over to the picture.

She startles a bit, looking back and forth between my still kneeling form in front of her and her mahogany bureau. Finally she focuses back on me, a very subdued version of her infamous Resolve Face forming across her features. "About a week after it was taken I went with Xander to get his film developed. I don't think he even realized that one was missing."

"That long!?" Ok, I couldn't help it. The question came right out before I had a chance to censor myself. But my god, that's at least 6 years, probably more, if I really take the time to add the numbers in my head. Willow blushes a bit and looks down, to our entwined fingers, fiddling a bit with my ring. Our ring. Or that's at least how I see it, how I've always seen it. I wasn't lying when I told her that it made me feel connected to her, it did. She was the only one that remembered my birthday this past year. And it's not even the fact that she remembered that warms my heart. It's that she took the time to buy me a present, a gorgeous one at that, wrap it, and give it to me. When I was being an uber bitch to just about everybody. I would have deserved something more along the lines of road kill stuffed in a box and handed to me. But no, not my Willow. Just when I think I couldn't possibly love her more, she goes and does something like that. Always full of surprises, my red head is. Of course she's not exactly MY red head. Yet. I'm trying to correct that right here and now. "Will?"

"That long." She pauses a bit to look up and gauge my reaction. Did she think I'd be upset or something? "The day we went to fight The First I pulled it out of the photo album I kept it in and stuffed it into my back pocket. I honestly thought we were going to die. Actually, I thought *I* would die." She never told me that. She never once told me that she was *that* worried. Of course not that I made myself readily available for her to do so. "I knew that if I could manage to pull off the spell that I'd probably be dead. Either from the overload of magic, or from Kennedy having to kill me." 

"What!!!??" Now wait just one damn minute here. Kennedy was going to kill her? Oh I knew I disliked that girl, but now I have a legitimate reason besides mad raving jealousy.

"Buffy, I asked her to....."  
  
"What!!!??" Why in the hell would Willow ask her girlfriend to kill her?

She pulls one hand out of my grasp and gently cups my cheek, wiping away moisture in the process. Damn, I must have started to cry. But really, just the thought of Willow being hurt gets to me like nothing else ever has. "Buffy, I thought I'd go all big bad again. Doing a spell of that magnitude. And I didn't want to be a danger to you or anyone else. There was no way I was going to repeat my run for hell on earth." She never said she couldn't do it. She never once said anything about being afraid of letting go and giving herself over to the dark magic again. No, instead, she just did what I asked her. No hesitation except for a few nervous comments when I first suggested the idea. She went right to it, studying, making sure she had the spell completely memorized. And now, 6 months later, I find out I could have lost her, by my own doing. Yet again. "And I figured even if I didn't go Black Magic Mama all over again, that it would probably overload me anyway. So either way I was dead. And I just wanted to be close to you in that moment, in some way, even if it only was a picture." So she does understand. She had my picture, and I had her ring. So, does that mean what I think it means? Did we have the same reasons for cherishing those things? God I hope so!

"Stay here Willow. Don't go to New York. Stay here. With me." I made my sentences very short and precise, no misunderstandings allowed now.

"What you said before......." Her anxiety makes her trail off uncertainly.

"I meant every word I said. I don't want you to go. I rely on you too much Willow. You're my best friend, we've been together so long that I can't even remember what my life was like before I met you. And Will, I don't want to remember." I pause to catch my breath. I'm not used to wearing my heart on my sleeve like this, even with Willow. But surprisingly, the words are coming with relative ease. "I need you here with me. It's as simple as that. I need you." Ok, well I left out one very important fact. Sure, I need her. Like the air I breathe. But I love her too. That's what's behind the whole needing her factor. I hope she realizes that. But really, I should have said it.

"Ok."

Huh? 

"Ok what?" Well lets just see if I have more to offer than that brat. I guess I'll soon find out.

"Ok, I'll stay here. I actually wasn't really going to............" I don't let her finish. Because I just don't care about the rest. She's staying! That's all I need to know right now! I jump out of my still kneeling position and tackle her into a massive hug, knocking her back onto her bed and burying my nose in her silken auburn tresses. She wraps her arms around me and tightens our collective hold. For endless moments I'm nestled into her warmth, my nose tucked tightly into the crook of her neck, inhaling that scent completely unique to Willow. It's intoxicating to say the least, and I fight against every urge I have not to just extend the tip of my tongue out and lightly caress the tender skin in front of me.

"Thank you." I mumble into her neck, where my entire face is still buried. I hear her giggle a bit, I must have ticklish breath or something. She runs her hands up and down my back in soothing circles, prolonging the contact between the two of us for as long as possible, I hope relishing it as much as I am.

"You know, I have a bit of a confession to make." Oh please let it be what I hope it is!

"What's that?" I finally manage to pull myself up into a sitting position again, not letting go of her hand though, I just need to be in physical contact with her right now. She just gave me the scare of a lifetime.

Willow fidgets a bit under my gaze, breaking it and finally settling her eyes on the tiniest piece of lint she could have found on her bed. "Well I wasn't really planning on going anyway. I was just curious how you would react." That little rat!

"So Kennedy's not going to New York then?"

She focuses back on me immediately. I guess I did sound a bit more harsh than I intended. "No! I mean Yes! Ugh, what I mean is, yes, Kennedy is moving. And no, it's not what you're thinking!" She *has* always been able to read me pretty well. "She DID ask me to go with her. But I told her no."

"You didn't even consider it?" Ok, so much for my self sacrificing complex not kicking in anymore. I mean why don't I just tell her to get the hell out of my life, it'd have the same effect. God, what is wrong with me!?

Willow rolls her eyes a bit and smiles. That cute Willow smile that seems to be reserved especially for me. "Of course not! Why would I go to New York when you're here?" The smile has slipped into something more shy, more nervous. Something reminiscent of when I first met her.

I reach up and gently brush back a stray strand of delicate red hair and tuck it behind her cute little ear. "Will, you can't live your life based on where my crazy mood takes all of us. You have to live it the way you want to." Say hello to Miss Dumbass. Ugh.

"But Buffy, don't you get it? You ARE my life!" Um, what? I know I must be hearing things. I mean, she did not just say that. "I stayed in Sunnydale to help you. I could have gone anywhere in the world, but I didn't." She takes a deep breath, preparing herself for something. What it is I don't know. I mean I have high hopes for sure, but still. "I lied." I look up sharply at that. Willow is NOT a liar, I don't think I've caught her in even one small lie that I can remember. "That day out under the tree. I told you that I wasn't staying because of you, that it wasn't about you. I lied."

"Will........" I'm getting choked up. And so is she. I can't stand to see Willow cry. And she always takes me right along with her. This time is certainly no different. Her gorgeous eyes shimmering with silver teardrops, just moments away from cascading down her porcelain cheeks. I can't take it anymore, I just have to reach up, do anything to comfort her. Just before my palm makes contact with her cheek the first tear escapes, leaving a wet salty trail in it's wake.

She leans into my hand, closing her eyes briefly, just savoring the contact I suppose. "Buffy, I need to be with you. It's just that simple." I know how she feels. It really IS just that simple. We need to be together. We need each other. "I love you." I barely heard it, her voice was but a mere whisper. But I DID hear it. And that makes my tears release from their confines as well. We're staring into each other's eyes. No. We're looking into each other's souls. I can see right down into the very essence of who Willow is. The love she has within her is enough to take my breath away. But when I realize that it's almost entirely directed at me, well, words fail me. The revelation of knowing that the person you love, love beyond measure, beyond reason, beyond anything else in this universe and any other. Knowing that they love you back the exact same way? It's the most unbelievable thing I could ever possibly imagine. And then some. To infinity and then some.

I lean in, not caring that my face is damp with my own tears, just focusing solely on those luscious pink lips not inches away from my own. "I love you too." I seal my pledge by closing the remaining distance between us and joining our lips together in the most sensual, passionate, wonderful, mind blowing kiss I've ever participated in. I feel like I'm about to climax right here and now. And we're just kissing. Not even with tongues! I'm sitting here, on Willow's bed, my arms wrapped firmly around her waist, her hands cupping both my cheeks, and I'm about to reach my release. She's that amazing.

Wow. Just wow.

Unfortunately, even with Slayer special powers, I'm losing my breath all too quickly in our embrace. And if I'm this breathless, I know Willow's probably close to suffocating. With extreme reluctance I break our kiss, running the tip of my tongue over Willow's now slightly swollen lips, trying to prolong our contact for as long as I possibly can. I rest my forehead against hers, trying to drag in some much needed air, but doing my damndest to keep eye contact with her. It's funny, I don't even think of pulling away and apologizing for making the first move. Because I know she wanted it just as much as I did. I didn't force her, I didn't initiate anything that she didn't want. And knowing that leaves me feeling so very content. One of the few times in my life, and interestingly enough, every time I've felt that way, it's always been because of Willow.

"Well, we've never done that before." Willow giggles a bit, shifting against me to lay her head down on my shoulder.

"Nope, that was new." I turn my head and place a delicate kiss against the top of her auburn head. "But I'm certainly not complaining."

"Nope, neither am I. New is good. Well of course not all new, but this new is good. Very very good." Oh, I love it when she babbles, it's just the most adorable thing in the world. 

I pull her down into a reclining position on her bed, nestling her into my side, with her head still buried into the crook between my neck and shoulder. She huddles down a bit, making herself more comfy, and giving me even more to sigh contentedly about. I find myself startled out of the peaceful trance that I had slipped into with Willow nestled in my arms by the feel of soft gentle lips touching the pulse point right below my ear. "So what now?"

Now? Well I can think of a couple things I'd like to do. But something tells me she's talking in the long run sense, not in the horny Slayer sense. But that's ok, because thinking about the future is actually a luxury I have now. And there's no one on this earth I'd rather spend it with than the woman in my arms. "Now we live happily ever after Will. Just like it was always meant to be."

~~~~~~

-Epilogue-

Little did she know that it IS supposed to be like this. In fact, it shouldn't have taken this long. But sometimes The Powers don't get their timing right and everything goes to hell. Even when yours truly uses his matchmaking skills to move things along. There was a reason Miss Rosenberg never noticed that small little jewelry store before. I was actually quite worried that she would sense the glamour I had erected. But I think she was so entranced by the ring that she didn't stop and let her senses kick in. Lucky for me. 

The original plan was supposed to work right away though. We knew that the Slayer's birthday was coming up, so it was the perfect plant. What we didn't count on was both of their stubborn wills getting in the way of what they both knew would be utter happiness. Gotta let those mortals have their free will, but it always makes things even more complicated for the rest of us. When I was given this assignment I didn't know what I was in for, what I was about to experience. And even for a coldhearted half demon such as myself, who's life for centuries has revolved around keeping the precious balance between heaven and hell, even I thawed a bit watching and waiting for them to finally figure it all out. The connection those two have is the strongest thing I've ever been a witness to.

Centuries upon centuries, they've come and gone, never getting it just right. The way it needed to be to finally cement the scales of Good and Evil in their place. I'm glad I read up on my history about the Slayer and her Sorceress. In this life at least, Slayer and Sorceress. It's never been quite the same situation twice, in dozens of lifetimes before. Romeo and Juliet had nothing on these two. A love blessed by Aphrodite herself two millennia ago. I've lost track of just how many times they've come so close to finally sealing their pledge for eternity, but something always stopped them. A warrior and a bard, fighting the good fight. Getting the blessing of more than just Aphrodite in the ancient Greek pantheon of gods. An emperess and a playwright, torn apart by the jealousy and greed of a Roman emperor. The heart of the Egyptian people and her heroic Roman lover, conquered not by love, but by the outside world coming down upon them. France's first couple, one driven mad by the loss of the other, doomed to spend the rest of his life in exile. Two lost souls, who found each other, only to have an even greater passion that ultimately led them to their own self destruction, going out in a blaze of misguided glory.

So I found out that history has known Buffy and Willow for centuries, just as they've known each other. In different lifetimes, in different bodies. But always their souls, destined only for one another. And now, after all this waiting the time has come for them to finally make it eternal, to stop the never ending cycles of pain and loss. That is, if I do my job right. In a few months the dear Slayer will come across the matching ring to hers. Courtesy of another little glamour of mine, one that I hope is just as hidden, this time by Willow's blissful euphoria of coupledom with her Slayer. I can see them running off to Las Vegas, or traveling over to the UK to give that father of theirs the news in person. And by that time all the elements will be in place. No stupid laws telling them otherwise. Supportive friends and family. And The Powers That Be at their back. And for the first time in 2 thousand years, things will be as perfect as they can ever be.

And I just know I won't get any credit for it.

Finis.


End file.
